A MISTAKE I MADE

Modern Packaging Miracles

A MISTAKE I MADE

It’s a mistake to judge people based on what they are wearing.

One day, I was walking down the street. I’d just stepped in some canine sidewalk art and was trying to scrape the unpleasant digested derivative off of my SAS rubber sole Oxford. I had barely started dragging my foot across the edge of a big cardboard box when a man stuck his head out of that same container and told me to go to hell.

I jumped back. I mean, I just wanted to get the stuff off my shoes. Suddenly, I was under verbal attack. The guy crawled out of the refrigerator box, or whatever it was, and let loose with even more offensive, rude, scatological, and even blasphemous remarks that called my intelligence, heritage, sexual orientation and my very metaphysical significance into question.

When I looked at him, as the shock wore off and the torrent of verbal abuse continued, it was clear that the man took little pride in his personal appearance or hygiene. He was wearing a pair of stained plaid pants, a red and blue checked sweater with a “Toby Keith Kicks your Mother’s Ass” T-shirt over it. He had on size ten shoes. I knew that because he’d obviously been bowling. The size was clearly marked on the back of each heel. Topping off the ensemble was a “Free Mustache Rides” plastic mesh trucker’s hat.

Taking him in I decided that he was not worth the bother. I spun on my heel -- skidding a bit because of the slick dog poop -- and walked away. I mentioned the incident to a friend at Frank’s Gay Bar a few days later and was told that the guy was, in reality, Jesus Christ.

Needless to say, I made it a point to go back there and apologize.